


Case #69696969

by nimiumcaelo



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Racism, M/M, Suggestive Themes, Wordcount: 1.000-5.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:54:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24541924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nimiumcaelo/pseuds/nimiumcaelo
Summary: Case: 69696969Date: 2/12/2019Time: 10:23 AMEvidence:1. At precisely 9:02 AM, Prof. Kevin Cozner entered the bullpen. He was greeted by Captain Holt and the two entered Holt’s office.2. Captain Holt closed the door and the blinds to his office when Kevin entered.3. Immediately after closing the door to his office, Captain Holt turned on loud classical music.:::The crew tries to figure out exactly what Kevin and Holt are doing in Holt's office.
Relationships: Kevin Cozner/Ray Holt
Comments: 10
Kudos: 108





	Case #69696969

**Case:** 69696969

**Date:** 2/12/2019

**Time:** 10:23 AM

** Evidence: **

  1. At precisely 9:02 AM, Prof. Kevin Cozner entered the bullpen. He was greeted by Captain Holt and the two entered Holt’s office.
  2. Captain Holt closed the door and the blinds to his office when Kevin entered.
  3. Immediately after closing the door to his office, Captain Holt turned on loud classical music.



** Theories: **

(1) Jake and Rosa’s

“ _Ob-_ viously they’re _smushing_ ,” he said with a mildly creepy grin. “C’mon. Blinds closed? Music on? Cap’n’s in there _gettin’ soooome.”_

“Agreed,” Rosa chimed in. “They’re definitely boning.”

(2) Amy’s

“Ew, guys! Don’t be ridiculous! Captain Holt is the strongest believer in professional workplace behavior I have ever met. Besides, they think a _handshake_ is PDA! They’re probably just talking about something private like finances and they don’t want us listening in.”

(3) Charles’s

“Amy, Amy, Amy,” Charles smiled, “how naïve. Why would Kevin come _in person_ to talk about something like finances when he could accomplish the same thing over the phone? Captain Holt may be professional, but he’s also a romantic. I bet he’s giving Kevin a secret gift for their anniversary.”

“Their anniversary isn’t until September, Charles,” Terry interjected, then clamped his mouth shut. He had been trying very hard not to get involved in this discussion. He sighed.

(4) Terry’s

“Look, Amy’s probably right; they’re probably just talking about boring stuff in there. But I bet the Captain might also take the opportunity to get a little kissin’ action going on,” he added with a smirk.

(5)  ~~Hitchcock’s~~

“You wanna know what I think?” Hitchcock butted in.

“No!” They all yelled.

(6) Scully’s

“I bet they’re talking about kissing,” said Scully.

“Why would they talk about it when they could just do it?” Jake asked.

“I don’t know,” Scully replied, popping a potato chip in his mouth. “I don’t know what gay guys talk about. It was my best guess.”

** Results: **

Holt’s office door opened and everyone’s eyes whipped around to watch as Kevin exited. His suit was just as clean and neat as it had been when he first came. Jake huffed in disappointment.

“Goodbye,” Holt said.

“Goodbye, dear,” Kevin replied, then walked onto the elevator and left.

“What are you all doing?” Holt asked. “Get back to work.”

“I told you, Jake,” Scully whispered as they made their way back to their desks. “ _Talking._ ”

“I said talking first!” Amy hissed. “You don’t get all the credit! It could just as easily have been my idea.”

Scully shrugged. “Don’t be a sore loser, Amy.”

She growled and stalked into the break room.

…

For once, Kevin had a day off.

A plumbing accident had caused the basement of Columbia University to become flooded. Initially, the university had simply issued a 2-hour delay, but when the repair company accidentally severed power to the rest of the building, the dean decided they might as well call it a day.

As it was still relatively early in the semester, he didn’t have much grading work to do and what little preparation was needed before his next class could be accomplished in little over an hour this evening. So, he decided it would be prudent to visit his husband for a little while at the precinct. He had some small matters to discuss with him and, besides, it was always pleasant to spend additional time with Raymond.

Raymond’s squad was friendly, yet not overly excited at his arrival. It had become an informally fortnightly occurrence for him to drop by on his husband, so they were, undoubtedly, used to his presence.

Raymond was expecting him, as he had called beforehand and detailed the accident. 

“Good morning, Raymond,” Kevin greeted as he entered the Captain’s office. “I trust you are well?”

Raymond shut the door, closed the blinds, and turned on his CD of Nocturne n°13 de Frédéric Chopin .  “I am as well as can ever be expected when Peralta and Boyle get over-excited about a case. What did you wish to speak with me about? Why this… _secrecy?_ ”

Kevin sat down in one of the chairs opposite Raymond’s desk. “You are aware, of course, that this Thursday is the fourteenth of February.”

“Yes.”

“Well, I wanted to know your opinion on some plans for the date.”

Ever since Kevin and Raymond had become serious about each other, Kevin’s mother had made it her own personal mission to try and convince Kevin to leave him. For some cruel and sardonic reason, she always chose Valentine’s Day to conduct her schemes. (She had told Kevin once that “gays aren’t allowed to celebrate it, since they aren’t really _in love_ , you know.”) At first, this had meant she would show up uninvited and present Kevin with a million and one reasons why Raymond was bad, why all black people were bad, and even, once, why the police themselves were bad, which was especially shocking considering her conservative stance on law enforcement. Recently, however, she had taken to trying to trick or coerce Kevin into signing divorce papers that she would leave lying around or fold into intricate ‘Get Well’ cards for distant relatives. It was insulting, offensive, and taxing to be near her on those days. Thus, he and Raymond had taken to spending the entirety of Valentine’s Day in some new remote cabin out of cell service. It had become a romantic tradition of its own right, eventually, instead of simply a way to avoid his witch of a mother.

This year, they were headed to Oquaga Creek state park, which was happily out of cell and Internet service. Kevin had reserved them a cottage for the day.

“I thought we could begin with a stroll around the lake. I haven’t checked the weather, yet, though.”

Raymond nodded. “The weather should be clement, if brisk.”

“Hmm. We might want to stay inside the cottage, then.”

“At least until we are warmed,” Raymond agreed.

Kevin fixed his husband with a suggestive look. “That may take some time.”

“Not if we speed the process up.” 

“Sounds pleasant. What were you suggesting?”

Raymond looked him up and down. “There are… a variety of methods one could employ.”

Kevin smiled. “Hm, you’re right. Perhaps trial and error? We have no guarantee of success with any one method.”

“Is that an invitation?”

“The cottage has already been purchased.”

“Does it come with insurance? It would be a shame were the heating system to fail catastrophically during our stay,” Raymond added lightly.

“Yes, such a shame. I believe it does have insurance covering small damages, but that would most likely not be covered.”

“Perhaps it would be better to simply not employ the system at all, to avoid accidentally damaging it.”

“These things are delicate,” Kevin agreed.

“Very delicate.”

“Indeed. Rather like that second edition copy of “The Bobbsey Twins” I have in my office. It requires very _precise_ handling. Not everyone has the manual dexterity for such,” he paused, capturing his husband’s gaze, “ _delicate areas._ ”

“Oh, you rascal,” Raymond whispered.

“Is that an invitation?”

“The cottage is, as you have said, already purchased.”

Kevin rose. “Wonderful. I will leave you to your toil, then. I love you.”

“I love you, as well,”Raymond replied, showing him to the door.

“Goodbye,” he said.

“Goodbye, dear,” Kevin smiled.

…

Jake, Rosa, Amy, Charles, and Terry all looked up from the security tape footage looking like they’d just been punched in the gut. Scully simply shrugged and smiled.  
“I told you guys. They were just talking about kissing.”

Hitchcock gave him a high-five.

**Author's Note:**

> First B'99 fic! Hope you enjoyed :)
> 
> \- M


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